The Last Of The Argentinians and The Wizard Of Bleus

The scene was a courtroom. The judgement was due-who was the greater of the two: Zinedin Zidane or Diego Maradona? The judge and the jury had gathered and the session was about to begin. The judge was Pele and the jury comprised of Roberto Baggio, Ronaldo, Romario, Gabriel Batistuta, Roger Federer, Michael Schumacher, Stephen Hawkins, Oliver Kahn, Thierry Henry, Kiran More, Aishwariya Rai and a top American diplomat. Surprisingly I was the invited journalist, asked to cover the entire proceedings. Oh! By the way, everyone was assembled but Maradona and Zidane were absent.
Romario: So whats the point in inviting jury from the tennis or kricket (sic) circuit? Why should they comment upon our greatest players?
Batistuta: Humph! Why is Nalbandian not here? Why Federer?
Kahn: But where are Diego and Zizou? They are supposed to be here.
Pele: Since when has Diego cared for protocols, eh?
Zizou enters; sly smile on his face.
Hawkins: Is Diego lost in a space-time curvature? Collective laughter
Baggio: No wait! I guess he is busy acting smart outside. Ha! Ha!
Maradona enters. Glum look on his face.
Maradona: Baggio, at least, I didn't miss a penalty like you. Keep your mouth shut!
Baggio shuts up; and guffaws by Kahn and More. Henry looked surely at Maradona.
Pele [to the diplomat]: Sir, you have not stated why you are here?
Diplomat [distracted by Aishwariya]: uh! Er..Erm!Ah! Well! you people are sports person and film star.I was wondering how you could debate..so I am here as your guide.
Ronaldo: As if we need a guide! What! Are we School children!
Pele: People! People! Calm down. Were wasting time. The point of trial is to settle the dispute once and for all-
Maradona: I see no reason why that should be a matter of decision. I am the best..I mean..
Kahn: (snorts)Yeah! Big thing coming from a superbly egotistical fellow, who substitutes his hand for the God.
Federer:What! You sacrifice a part of your body in Football?
Schumacher: No silly! Its all about Maradonas famous Hand of God Goal.
More:{furiously nodding his head): That was a thing of past. We must look forward for a better optionNo point in looking back.
Hawkins: I thought Zidane had retired ?
More flusters.
Aishwaria:(looking suddenly excited) Where is Beckham? I so-o-o like him. Shouldnt we discuss Beckham (sighs)-
Batistuta : Beckham! That stupid guy-incapable of making the simplest of passes-struts around with his silly hair-(contempt)-as if my hair is not good enough.
Henry: and in the process the great Zidane is forgotten-really is football more important or style?
Diplomat:(very wisely) stylised football is more beautiful than football-ic style.
Hawkins: We find that we are steadily attaining the structure of a non-linear chaotic system.
More: Why Zidane? He is old. Chapell says thats not an age to play even chess.!
Kahn: Tell that to Romario! Playing club foot ball at 40!
Romario: "18 Till I Die La La La La!
Federer: Why is Zidane so quiet?
Schumacher: Yeah! Whats up Zizou?
Zidane (after a long contemplation)The sky?
Ronaldo : What an observation!!
Federer:Yeah! The sky is up. But say something in defence.
Zidane : Mr.Maradona my credit lies in the fact that I did not use any drugs to enhance my capabilities.
Henry, Kahn, Baggio -Hear! Hear!Hear!
Batistuta :Thats an off incidence.
Baggio: Really Batigoal ? what about character of a footballer? Are we not role models for the public?
Aishwariya: Role model! Thats me and Becks.Where do you fit in? look here, havent you seen how I jumped from Bollywood to Hollywood and back??
Ronaldo : I say, why are we wasting our time on these two? I scored more goals than either, should I not be the cynosure of all eyes?
Romario : Cyno- what??!
Batistuta : never mind !
Hawkins: The characters show an inherent tendency to modify 11-dimensional system attaining speed of light...
Schumacher: Is he going nuts?
Baggio : I guess Federer may say something on the best part of sports men. Fed, what is to be the best?
Federer : Oh! Paparazzi, complementary invitations to top restaurants and glamour I guess.
More: Swollen headed! Just like an ex-captain of our team.
Aishwariya : He had a nice personality though.
Maradona : Dont you dare to compare my charisma with anyone else. I was the fastest on the field.
Schumacher: I can beat you anytime I wanted.
Pele : now people, lets talk about the controversy.
Diplomat(to Pele) Ill grant you concessions if you rule in favour of Zidane.
Angry murmurs from Ronaldo, Romario, and Batistuta. More applauds and Aishwariya is preoccupied with her lipstick.
Federer: What a thing to say-match fixing is it??
More: Did any one say match fixing?
Hawkins: Concessions cant be plotted in a p-brain hologram dimention...
I: Shut up you self-centred , wolfish diplomat.
Suddenly Materazzi peeps out from behind a door and shouts something incoherent to Zidane. Zidane pulls out a rod and starts hurling abuses at everyone present, upturns tables and runs like a bull, head docked.A squabble begins. Batistuta and Baggio start fisting Kahn and Ronaldo start abusing each other. Romario makes gestures at Schumacher, Federer appears deeply interested in Aishwariya , Pele is confused, Maradona howling. suddenly More holds my ear and says Day dreaming is not tolerated in this institution. his face metamorphoses to that of my history teacher and hey! There was I on my desk day-dreaming.